Next week, thousands of us will be converging on Indianapolis for our favorite consecutive four day period of the year. Sadly, there are countless more of our tribe that won’t be making the trip. Many can’t go because of finances, family obligations, or (like me last year) an unfortunate work schedule.

It sucked.

TLDR: It Sucked

I’m not going  to be so overdramatic as to suggest missing Gen Con ranks among the worst things that have ever happened to me, and that it bears the Seal of Distress Quality™ signifying it contains only the finest quality broken bones and hearts and dreams. It didn’t. Of those disappointments and regrets that deal subdual damage, though, it was at the very least a solo encounter. I missed out on lots of adventures, seeing all my Internets friends and meeting lots of new people, gaming not only my face but my whole torso off, and the chance to stand with my CH brothers as we were recognized for our superior nerdery.

I tried several things last year. One was to sit on Twitter during Drinking D&D. I was sufficiently put off by not being able to go that I decided to mess with people over Twitter to make them think I was there. It didn’t take long before I realized I was simultaneously being not-funny and a-dick, so I stopped doing that (sorry if you were one of the victims of my impotent, pouty rage). Eventually, I decided simply to go dark for the weekend. It was just easier.

I did manage to make it in for the last few hours on Sunday. No gaming was had, save about half a game of Magic while waiting to have dinner with my tribe. However, on the whole, it sucked. I hope I don’t have to repeat that experience.

Bringing Hope To Gamers In Need

For those of you not able to go this year, I find myself at odds with how to bring you solace. Watching everyone else talk about all the cool things going on just depressed me. Therefore, I have decided to go interactive.

Introducing…. the Make-A-Geas Foundation!!!

If you can’t do the stuff you wanted to do this year, maybe I can help. Post a comment detailing the geas you wish to place upon me, and I will perform every last one.

OK, actually that would be completely insane. I know you, Internet. I came of age when you were born. I watched you dance as a baby. I know you would have me do things like obtaining carpet fibers from every floor of every hotel connected to the convention center, grafting them to my face to form the Ultimate Gen Con Beard, or attempting to get Wil Wheaton to say his name backwards so that finally you can control him, or to plank on every table in the Miniatures hall dressed as Drizzt Do’Urden dressed as a member of the US Women’s Gymnastics Team.


Instead, I am going to simply pick and choose the Geases I like best.

If you want your Geas to have a better chance of being chosen, please follow these guidelines:

  • It can’t cost me money — that is, unless I think it’d be awesome and I can afford it. (Which I probably can’t.)
  • I’m not going to wait in line for hours
  • I’m NOT going to prison for you bastards
  • Funny ideas get +5 Diplomacy
  • Ideas that touch my heart, actually help someone, and/or summon the damned stupid onions get +10 Diplomacy
  • Ideas accompanied by a donation to the actual Make-A-Wish Foundation get +20 Diplomacy — (Sorry, I can’t cast level 9 spells on my own yet.)

I’m going to shoot for completing 5 Geases, and I’ll announce which those are later this week. I’ll do more if time allows, but it may well be that I don’t finish the ones I set out to do. I’m not actually sure what happens then. Do I get diarrhea or something? Does Pelor garnish my wages? I hope not to find out.

This is either going to be the best idea I’ve had in a long time, or by far the worst. Regardless, it seems like it’ll be fun and I hope I can bring a few of you some Gen Con happiness by acting in your stead. (Forcibly, by magic.)

And now, without further ado, pour your geas on me. In the name of love.



  1. LIES! We were there for the better part of the day. And it was Saturday wasn’t it?

  2. Nope. It was Sunday, we got there about 1 or 2 IIRC, and we even had to wait a few hours before anybody was available to game or grab food.

    And if you’re gonna give me crap, at least get your story straight. 🙂

  3. It was earlier than that. I think you went to lunch pretty shortly after we got there… And I hit the sales floor as per usual. And I think we hit dinner much later. I think we got there before noon though.

  4. For those who can’t make it, also be sure to check out CONcurrent, an online convention running alongside GenCon this year.
    List of Events:

  5. Your quest, and you have no choice in accepting it, is to play the WoW CCG with someone in my stead.

    Just be thankful I chose this instead of my first instinct which was to have you hug Mike Mearls and say in a soft voice, “THIS FEELS RIGHT.” But I like Mike, so we should spare him that. 🙂

    • @Bartoneus: SO MOTE IT BE. Though it pains me deeply, I will find a way to play my favorite CCG sometime during the ‘con. Someday we will play it, like we’ve intended to for several years now. 🙂

      @Graham: Good call on CONcurrent. I shall spread this information.

  6. cakemage says:

    I’d like more info on the new iron kingdoms rpg by privateer press. So if you could either check out a panel or demo a game or even better, review the game! Thats by request/geas. they are doing a prerelease at the conand books will be available if you do become inclined to make a purchase

  7. Perhaps this is beating a dead horse, but …

    On my tablet and on my phone I have electronic versions of rulebooks from many of the big names in RPGs and plenty of smaller names as well: Paizo Publishing, Steve Jackson Games, Games Workshop, Kenzer & Company, White Wolf, Mongoose Publishing, Chaosium Inc, etc. All of these I purchased from reputable online stores (mainly Steve Jackson Games’s Warehouse 23 and RPGNOW.) Yet the biggest of the big names in RPGs, Wizards of the Coast, is conspicuous in its absence from my electronic devices.

    So the geas I place upon you, should you choose to accept it, is this.

    Go to the WotC booth and find the highest “ranking” person there. Tell that person that all the companies I’ve listed above are at Gen Con. [I checked the online exhibit hall map.] These are the people against whom they are in direct competition for RPG players’ money. [You should be able to see the Steve Jackson Games booth from one of the corners of the WotC booth. Point to it dramatically as you point out their competition.] When I buy RPG books, I’d prefer to buy materials that I can have with me at all times. A couple of ounces for my phone or a pound or two for my tablet is more convenient to carry than three to seven pounds of books. [Amazon says 4e red box is 3, 4e core rulebook set is 7.]

    I WANT to give them my money for electronic versions. Their competitors have figured out a way to do it in the presence of online piracy. WotC themselves offered electronic versions of their books in the past. Why the *rolls, passes Diplomacy check* heck doesn’t WotC offer PDFs, either of their new material or their old? Report the answer you receive in the report you write up on your trip to Gen Con.