Official Guide to Stalking Vanir at Gen Con, 2010 Edition

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year once again. No, not Christmas. The Four Days of Gaming, aka RPG Chanukah, aka Nerd Kwanzaa, but known to most muggles simply as Gen Con. I’m particularly excited to make my yearly trek to Indianapolis this year, as I’ve made lots of new friends (and am ecstatic to see my fellow CH and Stupid Ranger teammates in the flesh once again). This is the time of year when games get played, mad plans hatch, continuous fun is paid for in units of lost sleep, hygiene gets neglected, hair gets let all the way down, and the freak flags fly high and proud. I personally intend to eat myself into a coma and play D&D and WoW TCG during my brief periods of lucidity.


SCHEDULE OF VANIR’S PLANNED LUCID MOMENTS BETWEEN EPISODES OF FOOD COMA

Wednesday

Arrival:
TBD but probably noonish. Hopefully gathering for lunch with CH crewmates and then retiring to the hotel to refine my WoW TCG deck.

8pm: Drunken D&D with Phil and Dave.
Location: We’re not sure yet, but Phil should have it on his Twitter feed when we know.
An unofficial opening ceremony of sorts, except replace the Olympic flame with beer, and the athletes with inebriated gamers apt to use phrases like “wight supremacist”.

Thursday

1pm: Welcome to Dark Sun, Bitches!
Location: I have no idea. I’m going to turn right every time my gamer sense buzzes and eventually I will find it, I’m sure.
My first experience with the Dark Sun setting in any edition, except for staring at that one chick on the cover of the 2E Dark Sun books with the wings and the brass D-cups when I was 16. You know the one I’m talking about. Gritty, post-apocalyptic battle-lingerie. That’s what Dark Sun is really about. I’m sure our own Chris Sims, who is running this game, agrees completely. I’m told he made 4e’s battle-bras even less comfortable, for that extra-savage feeling.

7pm: Roleplaying Therapy for the Severely Disturbed
Location: Westin Caucus
Join me, Dave, Bartoneus, Chris Sims, Phil, e from Geek’s Dream Girl, Dante and Stupid Ranger from Stupidranger.com, Graham from Critical Ankle Bites, and Micah from Obsidian Portal as we explore the darkest depths of our psyches. You’ve never seen anything like this event. Unless, of course, you’ve seen a shapeshifted druid mating with a displacer beast. How does that even work?

Please note, we do not mean to make fun of any real mental illnesses, and similarity to any ailments any of you have out there is purely coincidental. However, if by some chance you have been diagnosed with Explosive Kleptomania, I am driving to your house and we’re going to a mall. With a video camera. We’re gonna get rich.

After That: Bachelor Party for Graham
Graham doesn’t know it yet, but we managed to find kobold strippers. 20 of them. The dog kind. Yeah, I thought they were illegal, too. Kudos to Phil for smuggling them in from Canada in his luggage.

The Rest Of The Day And Most Of My “Downtime”: Playing WoW TCG Until My Hands Fall Off
Location: Various places in the ICC
It’s the WoW TCG World Championships this year, and I am totally not entering! However, I am entering several smaller tournaments and taking part in the League play that goes on throughout the con. If you want a piece of me and my Spirit Wolves, come find me. My boys are hungry.

Friday

10am-11am: WIL MOTHER F$*KING WHEATON
Location: Westin : Grand Blrm IV
For real. If I went back in time to talk to 13 year old me, and he asked me what I was doing in the year 2010, the last damn thing teenage me would be expecting is for future me to say “oh, nothing much. Just writing a humor column WIL WHEATON READS*.” I never got why anybody ever hated Wesley Crusher, and I fell in love with Wil’s blog from the moment I read it, so to say I’m excited to be here is an understatement. Definitely will be bringing a fresh pair of pants. Just in case.

*I have no idea if Wil actually reads Dire Flailings. But that is what I tell myself every morning to keep my self esteem from imploding. LOVE ME WIL. LOVE MEEEEE

5pm-7pm: WoW TCG Gadgetzan Classic Constructed Qualifiers
Location: ICC Wabash
Me and my spirit wolves eat as many people as we can, WoW TCG style. This technically lasts until 9. However, I am expecting to get utterly murdered by some annoying little ice mage early in the competition, which sets me up nicely to leave before 7 for…..

7pm: The Ennies!
Location: Westin Grand Ballroom
Critical Hits has been nominated for an Ennie again this year, and I can only assume that my coming on staff this year will push us over the top. They may further split the categories next year into “Websites with Vanir” and “Websites without Vanir” just to make things fair. Sorry, everybody else. I am both the immovable object and the unstoppable force. I figure I should show up as a formality, or to correct the situation in case a technical glitch tabulates the votes incorrectly.

Saturday

10am: Hickman’s Killer Breakfast
Location: Westin Grand Ballroom
Tracy Hickman kills an entire room full of people for any reason he chooses, and you have to do something useful, brave, or entertaining to stay alive. It’s a beautiful thing. I got to sit at the same table as Gary Gygax two years ago, and my ego has been hideously swollen ever since. Unsurprisingly, I died and Gary lived. He was a gaming legend and I was making hybrid Transformers/Ravenloft jokes. I’m fortunate to have survived the first four nanoseconds. I guess it’s true what they say: all you need is a little Energon and a lot of luck.

12:30pm – 3pm: Lloyd Kaufman’s Make Your Own Damn Movie Class
Location: Westin
15 year old me would VIBRATE APART at the chance to meet Lloyd Kaufman, co-founder of Troma Entertainment. My weekends in high school consisted of watching Troma movies every Friday and Saturday night on USA Up All Night. I supported the Monster Hero. I loved Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD. I may not be making any movies in the near future, but I intend to fill my muse so full of high quality WTF from one of my teenage heroes that some may slosh out of its container and get on you. I am sorry.

7pm – 10pm: Video Games Live!
Location: Westin Grand Ballroom
Tracy Hickman kills an entire room full of people for any reason he chooses, and you have to do something useful, brave, or entertaining to stay alive. It’s a beautiful thing. I got to sit at the same table as Gary Gygax two years ago, and my ego has been hideously swollen ever since. Unsurprisingly, I died and Gary lived. He was a gaming legend and I was making hybrid Transformers/Ravenloft jokes. I’m fortunate to have survived the first four nanoseconds. I guess it’s true what they say: all you need is a little Energon and a lot of luck.

After That: Evensbrook Reunion D&D
Location: Dantooine
My old DM and good buddy Dante brings back the first campaign we ever played in together for a reunion adventure. I can’t wait to play my old battle-cleric Lumbar again! I hope we stay awake long enough to play awhile.

Sunday

NOTHING PLANNED
(EXCEPT A SENSE OF IMPENDING SADNESS)

Hope everybody has a safe trip out and a wonderful time. See you there!

Comments

  1. Chris Sims says:

    Hey, Vanir. We’re meeting for Dark Sun in the Sagamore Ballroom! My schedule has the info.

  2. Gamer sense….. tingling……

    turning right……

  3. 20 kobold dog strippers? That’s just…not right.

  4. so 10am: Hickman’s Killer Breakfast and 7pm – 10pm: Video Games Live! are exactly the same thing?