Mini-Trope: No, I won't let you tell me about your character…

Office SapceA few weeks ago, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about tropish DMs. Tonight I felt like tackling the equivalent for players.

Once again this is going to be a satirical post and not an actual critic on play style. As usual, if this offends you…. ah heck, it’s not like I’m shopping for new players… :)

For a much more serious take on player types, look here.

The first Archetypal RPG player is one you all know…

The Socially Oblivious Game Store RPG gamer:

You’ve all met this one at least once. A vacant stare, rigid body and a monotonous unending drone about his (and even her) character/game system or Miniature Army. He’s usually inflicting his monologue to one or two painfully polite game store clients.

Said clients who were unaware of the game store rule of never asking an open-ended question about a game to non-employees or strangers.

(Although I’ve seen stores who’s employees or owners are such types… the store often closes not to long after).

What kills me the most about these type of gamers is that they are absolutely impervious to the innumerable non-verbal cues that humans use to imply that they aren’t all that fascinated by their diatribe.

That’s why I’ll pass on a teaching from workplace social management.  Since they are socially inept to start with, you don’t have to try to spare their feelings by being polite and waiting for them to finish (they usually won’t unless distracted by something). Cut them off firmly but politely by telling them that you don’t have time to discuss.

I’ve read a story once about a non-gaming gamer girlfriend having enough with her overly polite gamer boyfriend listening to Mr Oblivious drone on about his latest character or game system. She basically went ‘YOU stop talking to my boyfriend now!’.

Ahhh these women are god’s gift to gamer geeks I tell you!

The Grognard

He (always a he) played D&D with paper chits in cups. He writes on gaming forums about the time he played with Gygax, or Arneson or Kuntz. He still plays the same out-of-print game since it came out (Usually OD&D or Runequest).

Don’t try to talk about D&D 3E or 4E because he’ll be happy to point out that his D&D never had a 3rd edition. (Sorry Evil DM, couldn’t resist).

In his game, Elves are classes, Druids are options and Fighters are called Fighting Men and can use Magical Swords. And that’s how he likes it!

The Loudmouthed Enthusiast:

Usually somewhat overweight, way too extroverted for anyone’s comfort and always WAY TOO LOUD!

This guy is the one that buys 15 supplements of the game he started only last week with his buddies. He talks RPGs 24/7 and always goes about about having his own store one day. While not as socially inept as out 1st player archetype, the LME will exhaust even the most patient of DMs. Heaven forbid if he’s allowed anywhere near the Mountain Dew.

Oh yeah, when the LME becomes a DM, he becomes a Chatty DM…. (That one was for you guys!)


  1. Just when I decided that I needed to look for the comment link you delivered your own punchline. Hahaha, nice one. :)

  2. I’ll have you know I still use the SAME paper chits I used in 1978. They were good enough then and they’re good enough now!

    Damn snot nosed kids, with their “Fancy-Shmancy” dice.

  3. Pfft! d20s aren’t fancy.

    d3s, d5s, d7s, d14s, d16s, d24s, d30s, and d100s, however…

    now those are fancy.

  4. Evil DM, you made my day! :D

    Graham: Ahhhhhh Geometry! (Microbiology-trained Chatty DM runs and hides behind the nearest Snowbank)