This started quite simply with the question, “What would Candyland look like as a text adventure?” Clearly it went a bit further than that, but as a game we’ve previously discussed as having no decisions what-so-ever and therefore not being a game, the concept is tantilizing. Is there a sole decision in Candyland, and is said decision simply to play the game or not? Thus, if you decide not to play the game, you have completed the entirety of the so-called game that exists. From then on you either waste an hour of your life moving a piece around a board, or you go off to a bar or something. Either way you will most likely end up like the third panel of this comic.
Perhaps the spite grows from the fact that I could never complete an adventure along the Oregon Trail without contracting that fateful disease and subsequently dying. At least my oxen went before me, at the end of my whip as I attempted to ford river after god-forsaken river. I may never visit that wretched state now, all filled with rivers and shitting diseases, and I cannot fathom how anyone would ever concieve of living there. Unless they are some kind of poop-connoisseur, who majored in aquatic deviations and oxen-bound wagon fording.
Not particularly enlightening I know, but at least I got to talk about poop and use long french words. Croissant!
“Death by Dysentery.” – Wanted (the graphic novel)