Inq. of the Week: Third in a Trilogy

791712the-lord-of-the-rings-return-of-the-king-posters.jpgLast week, we asked what should happen in Spiderman 4. Most of you picked for Carnage (or Maximum Carnage) to happen to the big screen, possibly because the third movie didn’t satisfy your symbiote satisfaction. Coming in second, a possible plotline for those of you who seem to hate Spiderman, was for everybody to die.

Bartoneus originally suggested this week’s Inquisition, but I felt like the field had to be balanced a bit better. I have attempted to compensate for some answers’ obvious superiority:

About Dave

Dave "The Game" Chalker is the Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder of Critical Hits. Since 2005, he has been bringing readers game news and advice, as well as editing nearly everything published here. He is the designer of the Origins Award-winning Get Bit!, a freelance designer and developer, son of a science fiction author, and a Master of Arts. He lives in MD with e, the Geek's Dream Girl.


  1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

  2. I appreciate that you have to handicap the goods movies, but Star Wars still comes out on top, even with more Ewoks.

  3. Updated- hopefully that fixes both issues.

  4. Whoever voted for ROTK… let me punch you in the stomach for real while you watch that movie, and I doubt you tell me you enjoyed that more than watching any of those other things without being punched in the stomach.
    I don’t think you know how much 4 hours of gut punching actually hurts. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that you could not even make it through the whole movie without needing medical attention. But let’s try it, please, I could use a good punching dummy.

  5. Elena99 says:

    I voted for Batman Forever.

  6. I voted for RotK for 2 reasons. One, there was no specifying what one can wear while watching the movie. Any intelligent person would wear a steel plate under their shirt ;). Two, I knew that if I did not vote for RotK, I’d never heard the end of it from The Game, regardless of handicap.

  7. Sucilaria says:

    Punching or not…no movie beats RotK. Period.

  8. Original Sultan says:

    Well, watching some of these other movies is basically the same thing as being punched in the stomach repeatedly, so RotK isn’t such a bad choice. Really, what we have here is a case of 3 good movies with extra handicaps and a bunch of bad/mediocre-at-best movies. I can attest to the fact that having to pee really badly for an entire movie is pretty bad. And getting punched in the gut repeatedly is also bad. But being forced to watch Extraordinary Gentlemen twice isn’t really that bad, compared to the handicaps of the other 2 good choices. Therefore, Indiana Jones the Last Crusade seems like the obvious choice.

  9. Except for Andrew (who apprarently bent the rules to include plate mail), I’d like to punch you people in the stomach while you watch ROTK. My guess it that you won’t last five minutes.
    Anyone want to accept my challenge? You can’t wear protection like that wuss Andrew, because that would defeat the purpose of the handicap.
    For the record, Original Sultan is essentially right, excpet getting punched in the stomach for three hours is a horrible choice to make. In fact, with such a harsh handicap, it probably makes ROTK my last choice on the list. It needs to be toned down, like, getting punched in the stomach once every 5-10 minutes while watching the movie. Then, it might be a fair handicap. I’m not disputing that ROTK is the best movie of the group, but why would you let yourself possibly be killed when you can just watch Indiana Jones followed by the not so horrible punishment of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?

  10. Have you guys actually seen LXG? I consider it a pretty harsh handicap to have to watch twice…

  11. Elena99 says:

    What The Game said. I could barely watch it the one time, I don’t think I could do two.

  12. While DrScotto is not occupied arrogantly gloating himself up in our threads, he spends his spare time practicing his best Fist of the North Star exploding-head punch techinques!

  13. I took the Return of the King choice as a more tongue and cheek choice rather than something that would spark serious debate on being punched in the gut. LXG is an INCREDIBLY bad movie, its just awe-inspiring in its suckitude, and dissapointing because it could have been alright. PLUS it drove Alan Moore out of Hollywood (from what I understand).

  14. I’m not a wuss! I like to wear plate mail! I mean, who doesn’t?

  15. Could someone please tell me what I ever did to Danny to be constantly berated? I mean, I’m just saying that watching a bad movie twice is not nearly as bad as being punched constantly. One of these handicaps does not include a hospital visit.
    We could however change the debate, as I might argue that Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was better than Return of the King without handicapping them at all. That’s NOT what I’ve been saying so far, but I’d be willing to consider that discussion.

  16. I like pie.. that is all

  17. DrScotto: Sorry! I just didn’t see why you saw the need to not only beat a perfectly good joke poll entry into the ground by being overly literal, but also brag yourself up and challenge readers to fights? I’m sorry I’ve been berating you, but I love to put you on tilt.

    You could have simply said the punching was worse then people seemed to be saying, instead of jumping to center ring and demanding a punching bag to prove yourself on. Plus the obvious fact that RotK is well worth the hospital visit vs. some of those other movies!

  18. I also didn’t specify who would doing the punching. It could be Bartoneus, whose gut-punches are like being lightly tapped by a pillow.

  19. I’d say they’re more like being licked by a kitten: generally a pleasant sensation, with a slight tinglyness.

  20. I was not hyping myself up as much as just trying to have a realistic example. I never said that I would hurt someone because of my awesome gut punching skills, because that was not the point. I just said that I bet I would hurt someone. In choosing to use myself as an example I did not have to bring in someone else’s name needlessly to the discussion.
    I guess I was just scrounging for a good answer that I could understand, because I clearly did not get it. Dennis’s answer made the most sense. I would also have accepted: ‘I’m not serious, it is a joke poll’ (not a direct quote, but a generalization) earlier in the conversation, like say, instead of being schooled by Bartoneous’s mad insulting skillz.

  21. I wouldn’t worry about his mad insulting skillz, the man punches like a catlick.

  22. Original Sultan says:

    Punches like a catlick. Sounds like a name to a band, or maybe a song that TMBG would write.

  23. I agree with steve…

    But I would honestly think that losing the full functioning capacity of an organ or two is worth not killing off doubly more brain cells with LXG…

  24. Original Sultan says:

    Watching LXG twice is NOT as bad as being punched in the stomach constantly during ROTK. I really have to agree with DrScotto on this one. LXG is just a movie. It might suck but it won’t hurt you. Well, at least not physically anyway.


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  3. [...] Inq. of the Week: Third in a Trilogy (26 comments, arguments about gut-punches) [...]