Comments on: Inq. of the Week: Funny Gaming Quotes CONTEST

By: Wickedmurph

Wickedmurph — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 22:04:41 +0000

I know the contest is closed, but I have 2 that need sharing.

First-
Player 1: Are you OK? (referring to player 2, who’s just been hit by a Fireball)

Player 2: (in a steadily rising voice) I’m VERY BADLY BURNED.

Second-
Player 1: “So, the plan is, we charge in and take them on.”
Player 2: “Yep, that’s the plan.”
Player 3: (wailing) “There is NO PLAN.”

By: Bartoneus

Bartoneus — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:32:18 +0000

Now that the contest is closed, one of my personal faves from our latest game:

“I’m freezing my purple worm off out here!”

By: thammorn

thammorn — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:22:53 +0000

A ranger/rogue spends an evening in an opulant opium den/house of ill-repute. When he awakens, he’s alone, his clothing is missing (being cleaned), and he’s enamored with a very fancy 4 foot tall hookah pipe.

Player: Is there any way I can smuggle this out?

DM: …you are naked, remember?

Player: Hmmm, that does kinda limit hiding place options.

By: The Game

The Game — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 03:59:12 +0000

Entries are now closed! Any further comments will not be considered for the contest. The judges will deliberate today and post a poll for the three finalists. Stay tuned!

By: Ray K

Ray K — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 21:01:29 +0000

DnD
Low intelligence barbarian(/player?) who just entered a bar looking for the mysterious recipient of a mysterious package, and the DM just described the contents of the room and the various inhabitants:
“Those shelves look suspicious.”

By: Todd

Todd — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:42:21 +0000

I was playing a level 4 halfling rogue in a recent D&D game. I was scouting ahead in a thick marshland, several combat rounds away from anyone in the party. I came across an entrance to a cave, and like the brave little halfing that I was, snuck in to snoop about. The DM mentioned that after a few twists and turns it was getting pretty dark. Since I hadn’t heard anything stirring, I decided to light a torch so I could delve further into the cave. As the torch flame roared to life, the DM advised me of a pair of eyes looking in my direction, reflecting the torchlight. Since I couldn’t see who or what the eyes belonged to, I took a few steps closer. Another set of eyes blinked open, then another, stopping me in my tracks. Soon, eleven sets of eyes were staring at me through the darkness. The DM, smiling in a way that only wicked DMs can, stated that the eyes slowly moved closer, revealing not multiple creatures as I had first suspected, but an eleven-headed hydra. The other players’ jaws dropped, and at least one offered to help me roll a new character. I was frantically searching my character sheet in futility, desperate for a trick or item I could use to help myself. The DM could barely contain his glee when he asked, “What do you do?” After one last glance-over of my sheet, I turned to face the DM, looked him right in the eye and said, “I ready my sap.”

By: Avaril

Avaril — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 23:10:52 +0000

Ok, found our old quote list:

-Star Wars-
Player (Playing a wookie): “Take a thermal detonator, shove it up his butt, and turn it on.”
GM: “In that order?”

Player1 (Pilot): “When are we getting the money?”
Jabba (in Hutese): “Does it look like I have pockets?”
Player 2 (Bounty Hunter): “Can’t you keep it in one of your fat rolls or something?”

-D&D-
Drul (our dumb barbarian): “Drul haven’t had ale this weak since Drul was nursing.”

Drul: “Drul not idol. But, Drul not turn away those who wish to worship.”

“Of course I have a suspicious mind, my roommate’s a GNOME ILLUSIONIST!”
-Ash (Halfling)

One of our players, a druid, was having great fun talking to animals in our sea-going game. He happened to overhear this:
School of small fish: “Ahhhh! Orca! Form a ball! Form a ball!”

That’s all I’ve got. If I win, the proceeds are going to 4e!!!

By: Avaril

Avaril — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 03:09:33 +0000

Village Chieftan: “Welcome! We have awaited your arrival! Our oracle told us of your coming long ago…”
Player: [interrupting] “We don’t DO side quests.”

By: Avaril

Avaril — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 02:20:08 +0000

DM: “You have a great axe, right?”
Player: “Yes. I work out.”

(You might try saying it out loud)

By: Soramain

Soramain — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:53:36 +0000

Earthdawn:

Troll fighter type: What are you doing?
Rogue friend: Shhh, I’m listening at the door.
Troll: Do you hear anything?
Rogue (annoyed): I hear a troll yapping.
Troll: What’s he saying?

By: Omnus

Omnus — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 22:01:38 +0000

One more for the Quixotic Jedi, because I can’t stop there. When the party first formed, the group raided a sanitarium ship with my character on it. They found him buck naked holding a dueling saber and a flashlight. As time went on, he never found a need to find clothes. After a while, the Squib scavenger who was with us rather nervously asked him to get some clothes on. Out came his first “Jedi” proverb. “Nakedness is next to…the Force!” he replied. Creepily, another player was playing a Gammorean Pacifist template (from one of the many d6 sourcebooks) and he decided he wanted to be closer to the Force too, so he started going around naked as well. The Squib locked himself in the ventilation from then on, scared for his life and sanity.

By: Omnus

Omnus — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:56:58 +0000

I have a few gems.

D&D
The fighter at the front of the party opens the door, dashes in, slams the door shut and bars it (and the rest of the party out), draws his sword and spins around, shouting, “I’m here to kill you and take your money!” He was in the throne room of the goblin king, and we just barely managed to get through the door to keep him alive.

Star Wars
In a two-group campaign that swapped players and their characters, our group got a Wookiee tough and a Young Pilot-soon-to-be-Jedi. The Pilot introduced the Wookiee by his deeds: “This guy took out a baby Sarlaac all by himself!” (They found a zoo ship of sorts). My Quixotic Jedi (read: crazy guy who THINKS he’s a Jedi) quipped, in all seriousness, “The ability to destroy a baby Sarlaac is insignificant next tot he power of the Force.” Both groups broke out laughing for about a good five minutes. Still my best personal quote ever.